No words

 

As I thought I might, I am finding it difficult to keep to this routine. I had hoped that I'd be able to do this without the aid of medication of any sort. I don't think this will be possible, though, without some help. At least at first. I have had success in the past with a couple over the counter  sleep aids, but some have had adverse effects.

Anyway, with an understanding that I have focused too heavily on matters of religion in the past, I want to talk about it again now. This whole matter of churches, temples, religions, prophets and false prophets, doctrines and sacred scriptures, and all the immense energy, strange, unique and the simple alike surrounding the gods and the God of it all is all quite confusing. I think, however, that the nature of the universe is, in a word, elegant. That is, it is grandly simple. It is the clash of intelligent creatures, which, as matter transforms from one state to another, turns the elegant into the ugly.

I wish I could explain in depth the immensity of the reality that we wade in, seeing only the surface. We all know that the human mind is a complex organ. Some of us even have understood the brain to be the most complex structure in the universe. It is a wondrous piece of machinery, no doubt. But whether it was developed by nature or by God I'd say quite possibly in the course of any discussion would end with nearly all moot points, since many hold nature to be God and vice versa. 

There is a more fundamental question to be addressed. That of awareness, consciousness. There are many who are searching out how life became. How did inanimate matter become animate? That is the question if you hold to certain trains of thought. But any train could go anywhere, to true or false conclusions. That said, there is one that goes in the right direction. Which one is it? And how would we know it?

In my life I hear a lot of people say that they "know." This is quite difficult for me as I admit that there is excruciatingly little that I can say in confidence that "I know." But, it is this understanding about myself that I feel gives me a truer sense of what reality is. Of course their is faith. A point that I am getting to. But first let me address a few of my fundamentals. 

Firstly, I cannot accept in my heart and soul, in my body and mind, based on my own experiences that life does not continue on after physical death. Secondly, based on this premise, I cannot believe that there is, in the annals of the universe, no way to determine truth from falsehood.

Thirdly, it must be that it is in our actions, often times by no consciously planned means to gain knowledge, that we actually do line by line, precept upon precept begin to know the truth from the lies. 

There are many who profess to believe in their religion but do not act in accordance with it. Their are many who do believe in their religion and act accordingly. It is in our actions that truth will emerge. It is in our actions that we will begin to see whether or not we are aligning ourselves with what is true. If we are to draw and reflect upon the popular analogy that light represents goodness and dark represents evil, we can then extend it further by saying that light is produced by action, chemical processes that take place in the universe, while darkness is the consequence of the lack of any action whatsoever.  But people can act in accordance with things that aren't true. Yes they can. But those who act in accordance with what is true will, by virtue of the nature of light contrasted with darkness, attract those in darkness to their own light or actions, consequently obliterating the false paradigms and untrue premises. The only problem I see is that these things take people their entire lives to understand and even some never quite get it in life. And it is here, in this world, where the immensities of the universe aligned with an eternally minded screenwriter play out their acts in our perpetually sold out theaters. That is to say, our minds, with different actors playing different roles at different times in our lives. 

We are absolutely astonishing beings, with powers extending beyond our current comprehension. We are beautiful. That is, should we continue on after death. Otherwise everything I say has absolutely no greater meaning or purpose.

Can you look at even your own hand with light reflecting off of it into your eyes, being aware that  you are a sentient creature, self reflecting upon this simple matter, and not be utterly blown away at the immensity of the nature of your very own life? I am utterly incapable of illustrating how beyond measure this life is. 

There are no words. 

Goodnight.






Working Title

 

It is January 2nd and I am already breaking my resolution. I am in bed with my phone at 11:13pm writing this entry. I will, as I must now justify my breach of contract with myself, continue to perpetuate the most critical resolution, salvaging what I can of the other. The most critical being that I post something for this day. 

My post, remaining spoiler free(although everyone certainly must have seen it already) is that I came away from Star Wars: The Force Awakens, surprisingly exactly how I thought I would. It was neither amazing or terrible, but, it was simply, good. However, and again, being spoiler free, I deduce that the makers of Sherlock are feeling pretty ecstatic right now as they celebrate their brilliant latest episode! They have certainly outdone themselves.

Oh, yes, today, I feel somewhat elevated above the standard mood. And I feel strangely excited to go to sleep. To surmise why it is that I should feel excited to sleep, I conclude that it is because I will have a morning to actually be with my own thoughts, especially on the sabbath. 

Thoughts are stirring in my head about my next story. Have I forgotten to mention that one of my goals, one of the ones that have been persistently arising in my consciousness beating out the dozens of others that race through my head daily, is to write another book. This one will be one that I intend to promote and market to a certain degree, something I was never able to do with The Journey Scroll. 

Let it be known here and now, that, working title, has nearly had its first words written. I will post about this again shortly. 

Goodnight.

Believe in Something More

 

It's the night of January 1st. I'm sitting outside in the midnight air, snow under my feet with only a hoody and jeans on, skate shoes crunching the ice under the bench. The cold air helps my head. It makes me think clearer, and it's as if the worries that I flounder in dissipate alongside the heat leaving my body. 

Im writing this because I want to write everyday of this month. My ultimate goal, one that I revel in privately is to take over the world, but before I do that, there are a few more challenging tasks to address. The nature of them would be akin to mental illness. 

Depression walks beside me, it numbs my brain while paradoxically hurting my head, and it rings in my ears like screeching sirens ceaselessly. 

So, without dragging this out much further, short of lying down and dying, my only real options are to continue to suffer the angst of what feels to me to be a suffocating brain, or to systematically dismantle the elements that contribute to the insidious nature of it--depression. I cannot even summon the will enough to tackle this problem unless I sit out in the cold. Otherwise I just don't even care to try.

What are the basic elements of the human experience. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. Let's start with physical. Sleep, diet, exercise. Let's start with sleep. 

Proper rest is essential to a healthy lifestyle. I'm not sure if I qualify at this time as an insomniac as I do typically sleep more or less every day or night. That said, on several occasions I have gone six plus days without sleep. And I have hallucinated and lost touch with reality as a consequence. I mean by that, that for periods of time I was incapable of telling the difference between my dreams and reality. But even now I often go a day or two without sleep. And when I do sleep, I do for what might appear to be days at a time.

I am certain proper sleeping habits will increase my desire to stay alive and make my head hurt less. So January is sleep. 

Everyday in January, excepting this day as I have already failed this goal I will be in bed with no electronic devises before 11pm and I will be out of bed without going back to sleep by at least 6am. 

I intend to write everyday but not necessarily about my sleeping patterns. I simply want to attempt to sleep better and see how that affects my life and in turn my writing. Really, this is an experiment. A personal one, actually. So, I'm just saying that I don't intend to write for an audience as I did with my road trip, but I am not closing this blog off by any means. This will be the only post that I post to Facebook. 

Oh, and I'm sorry if you were interested in ancient literature. I have more pertinent things to attend to. 

So, happy New Years everyone. Stand up, tackle a new project, and change the world. 

And lastly, on a very somber note. I do struggle more than anyone knows, but I want to emphasize the fact that there are a lot more people out there who simply feel that there is no reason to go on. There are people who hurt in ways that cannot be worded. There are a lot of these people. It is heartbreaking. And what's more, I'm pretty certain it's getting worse every year. We as a people need to stand up and fight for what's right. Don't lie down, don't give up. Believe in something more than yourself and stand up. Love others and do what's right.

2016. Here we come.